growth

My friend Lily is currently doing a Fulbright in Perú, researching about the Japanese-Peruvian community. She always writes thoughtful email-blogs about her time there, and in her last email, she asked her readers to think of a word that describes their 2010.

I wrote her a nice, long answer, which I’m going to plagiarize by re-using here:

Let's see, to answer your question about my word... hmm. What did I do in 2010?

In January, I took Latin and decided I liked teaching other people languages.

In February, I went to the Dominican Republic to build a house and I decided that I really could speak Spanish, even though I don't speak nearly as well as I want to, and even though I may never get to the point where I don't feel like I'm putting on some ill-fitting clothes every time I step into my Spanish-speaking self.

In March, I went on a wonderful roadtrip with Joy, 3,000 miles through Oregon, Idaho, Wyoming, Colorado, Utah, and back again, and I decided that I love America, and could work happily in America for the rest of my life, as long as I do lots of substantial travel to other countries along the way.

In April, I worked hard at school. I love school.

In May, I graduated from Linfield, and I learned that the relationships that I formed in college will be important for me for the rest of my life.

In June, I went to work at Grand Teton National Park, and I loved my job more than any job I've ever had, and I decided that I could be comfortable with being extroverted when I really love the subject that I'm explaining.

In July, I went on hikes to breathtaking places, and decided that I need to live away from cities, and in areas where I can easily access the great outdoors, in order to be truly happy.

In August, I drove home a lot to visit my family, and I learned that I really had grown up in one of the most beautiful places on earth, and that I wouldn't mind dedicating myself to working for the Park Service forever in order to protect places such as Yellowstone and Grand Teton.

In September, I set off on an adventure for Spain, and I decided that although I really don't like change and that the 1st week of work in any new place is always awful, change is good for my soul.

In October, I moved in with a Bulgarian grandmother, and I decided that even though I feel "independent" and sometimes chafe under the fact that I'm living with an almost-parental figure, I still have a lot to learn from those who have more experience than me.

In November, I worked hard, and decided that I enjoy teaching English as a Second Language, and in order to do that, I need to go back to school in order to really learn how to teach.

In December, I traveled to Austria, and I met people who reminded me simultaneously of my family in Norway, my friends in Oregon, the crazy people I met in Germany, the Californians who vacation in Montana, and my family back home, and I learned again that people really are just people, wherever they are.

After all of that, it's hard to pick one word...growth? Yes, I will go for growth. I have grown a lot as a person, and as I look at who I am versus who I was, I sure hope that I keep growing, because I am still not satisfied with myself. For example, a goal of mine for years and years has been to work on being more patient: being in Ecuador gave me a world of help, and being a teacher now also makes me constantly work on this. However, when I was at home over Christmas, I still found myself snapping at my parents and my brother, as if I were 14 years old again, without first taking a deep breath and thinking about whether it was really worth it to lose my temper over something so trivial. Some people cause my reserve of patience to strain itself much more than others, and I think I need to spend more time with these people, in order to become a better person. These last 3 months in Spain have been a time of self-indulgence, of gallivanting around Europe, of marvellous days of skiing at home, and I don't know if having such an easy life now is really helping me out in the long run. Don't get me wrong, I love living here, and I feel that I have learned a lot, but I think if I stayed in Spain to do this job again next year, I would curse myself for being a lazy bum. I want to go to grad school to learn how to teach, and then I want to come back to Spain and actually be a teacher. Another year of fumbling along as a teaching assistant would certainly be fun, and if my plans for grad school fall through, then I'll certainly do this again, but I couldn't maintain this lifestyle forever. I used to think that I wanted to be a ski bum; after skiing three days in a row over Christmas, I don't know if I could stand to be a ski bum day in and day out! I have been thoroughly acculturated in the American Puritanical tradition: I need to work in a meaningful job in order to feel good about myself. Another thing I need to work on: along with patience, finding more self-motivation. I am an incredibly motivated person, but my overachieving streak only really kicks in when other people are watching. I know that if I don't have someone pushing me (and the idea of people reading my blogs is certainly a good push!) then I really would turn into a lazy blob of self-gratification. So, thank you, readers, for keeping me accountable. I love reading your responses, and I certainly hope that my experiences during the rest of my year in Spain help me grow even more.

p.s.: like any good blogger, I check my stats every week, and it´s always interesting to see the things that pop up: usually, most of my hits are from the U.S. and from Perú (that can only be you, Lily), and the "referring links" usually come from Facebook (when I post the link to this blog onto my Facebook albums. Everytime somebody clicks on those links, the statistics are tracked). The other day, however, I had 23 hits from the Netherlands—I don't think I know anyone in the Netherlands! I also had a referring link from someone who Google searched "atacames prostitution." (I have my older emails that I sent from Ecuador also posted on this blog page—they´re listed below this blog post, and apparently in one of my Ecuador emails I used the words "Atacames," which is a place I went to, and "prostitution," both in the same email.) Apart from these minor, and slightly creepy, aberrations, though, I can tell you that I am very happy with what my statistics tell me: I think my family and friends read this a lot, and that's all that really matters to me. Thanks again!