feathered deus ex machinas

Today was the parade of sea creatures in our school’s celebration of Carnival, but since I was feeling a little off, I decided not to bike over to the school on my day off to take pictures of the dolphins, octopi, squid, mermaids, and fishermen, as they trooped off to parade through the old folks’ home.  You’ll have to believe that they were pretty darn cute (or, at least, all of the costumes that I put together were).  When I get photos from the other teachers, I’ll post them here.

Instead, I lazed around the apartment, washed the windows (Sofia’s family is coming from Bulgaria on Thursday, so we’ve been giving this place a deep-clean, as well as toddler-proofing it in expectation of her 2-year-old grandson’s energy).  I made Turkish coffee, then American coffee, then thought about studying Catalan, made photo albums on Facebook, commented on other people’s photo albums on Facebook, moseyed around on other people’s blogs… you know how it goes.  The internet is a vortex.  


I then got off my lazy rear and read a little bit, finishing off On Her Majesty's Secret Service.  There's a bookstore in Palma run by an English chap who lets you buy 3 used paperbacks for €10, and if you bring any 3 books back, you get 1 for free.  It's basically a library with inordinately expensive dues and a limited selection; that's how I ended up reading James Bond.  The whole book was a lark.  Read it, if you ever feel like being highly entertained. There is an enormous escape-on-skis scene that has beautiful descriptions of the joy and art of skiing, and hilarious descriptions of Bond's constant inner monologue.  Bond is using all of his moves (which he informs us are called "the Arlberg crouch," "the Sprung-Christiana," "jinking," and "schussing."  Oh, for the glory days of skiing when the skis were terrible and skiers actually had to be good) and Bond is escaping the Bad Guys when he sees a train coming.  "By God, it would just about be passing the train station as he wanted to get across the track!  Could he make it - take a run at the low embankment and clear it and the other lines before the train got there? It was his only hope!" Of course he makes it, but the Bad Guy behind him isn't so lucky.  "...there came a terrible scream from behind him, a loud splintering of wood, and the screech of the train's brakes being applied.  At the same time, the spray from the snow-fan, that had now reached Bond, turned pink!  Bond wiped some of it off his face and looked at it.  His stomach turned.  God!  The man had tried to follow him, had been too late or had missed his jump, and had been caught by the murderous blades of the snow-fan.  Mincemeat!" (On Her Majesty's Secret Service, Ian Fleming, pp.157-158).

from the 1969 movie. Mincemeat!

So, anyway, if you want to laugh to yourself for an hour or two, as well as enjoy the actual tension that Ian Fleming builds, pick up a Bond book from your local Palma bookstore.


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A month ago, I wrote about BBFLs (best books for life), and have since spent considerable time trawling the blogosphere, amazed at the amount people write about books.  There are blogs dedicated to “to-read” and “best-of” lists, blogs full of snarky reviews, blogs turning a critical eye on the illustrations, blogs serving as self-help sites for self-publication fans, blogs endlessly bemoaning Kindles, Nooks, etc., blogs discussing the _____ (fill in the blank) of anything relating to books, and almost-relating-to-books-but-only-if-you-get-the-literary-reference-mentioned-in-my-last-blog blogs.  The more the merrier, I say!  Hey, if people aren’t reading books, at least they’re reading blogs, right?  Or at least writing them.

***

For your perusal: a few beautiful book-related blogs, which led me to more book-related sites, which are definitely worth checking out if you live on a Mediterranean island, you work 12 hours a week, and the frigid temperatures (below 60ºF) dissuade you from going to the beach:

#1 site you must check out: http://www.booksidoneread.com/  wonderful book reviews (“reading books so you don’t have to”) on a wide range of books, from historical tomes to classics to YA fic and chick-lit. Recently focused on Daphne du Maurier and her modern spawn.

#2: Ron Charles from the Washington Post as created a podcast persona: he’s the “Totally Hip Book Reviewer” and he periodically posts videos.  Check out this one on Moby Dick:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/video/2010/09/22/VI2010092201878.html

#3 A favorite from high school, still worth mentioning here: http://www.rinkworks.com/bookaminute/classics.shtml  When the Cliffs Notes are too wordy, turn to these people for their “ultra-condensed” versions of classics.  A few AWESOME samplers (of books I actually enjoyed in their full form, of course):

IF ON A WINTER'S NIGHT A STRANGER by Italo Calvino

You think you're reading a condensation of If On a Winter's Night a Traveler, but you're not.

THE END

THE SUN ALSO RISES by Ernest Hemingway

Stock Hemingway Narrating Character

It was in Europe after the war. We were depressed. We drank a lot. We were still depressed.

THE END

THE COLLECTED WORKS of E. E. Cummings

i j(ust                       !

                 b0.u   )

                     g           a        ne w        &

                      ht..

            t

            YpE

            w

            r

            iTe

            r

        :          buti(twon)tma

                                       ke cap

                 i,tal;

                         lett Ers -

**They also have ultra-condensed sci-fi/fantasy classics, of which the following are beautiful in both their shortened and unabridged forms:

THE ANDROMEDA STRAIN by Michael Crichton

Scientists

A deadly virus that turns blood into a fine powder has been brought to Earth by a fallen space probe. We must contain the area and study the virus in our impenetrable fortress-like laboratory.

(They do.)

Horror! The virus is loose in our impenetrable, fortress-like laboratory. We are trapped by our own ingenious defenses! We are going to die!

(They don't.)

Oh. The virus has inexplicably mutated into a non-fatal form. It now eats rubber instead of turning blood to powder. We aren't going to die after all.

Reader

COP OUT! COOOOOOOOOP OUT!

THE END

RETURN OF THE KING by J. R. R. Tolkien

Aragorn

We must travel the Paths of the Dead.

Eowyn

You'll die.

(They don't.)

Gandalf

The Hordes of Mordor will destroy Minis Tirith.

(They don't.)

Gandalf

We must attack Mordor. We'll all be killed.

(They aren't.)

Gollum

Mmmm, yummy finger! (dies)

Frodo

The Ring has been destroyed, but now we will die in Mordor.

Sam

Buck up, Master Frodo.

(A bunch of feathered DEUS EX MACHINAS come out of NOWHERE and save EVERYBODY.)

THE END


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Happy reading!